Update: Super Green Canada

Spring is here! Everything is blooming. The trees went from grey to super green in what felt like 24 hours. I love my walks around the neighborhood, watching people grow cute gardens and bees flip out over the flowers. I'm pausing for a moment to update you on my Canada adventure.

(I swear...The Fifth Element was predicting future trends and stuff.)

USA to Canada Process

I hate to sound like a 16 year old girl...but OH MY GOD. This immigration stuff is so frustrating! I've joined online forums, wherein people like me vent about the tedious process of just trying to stay, work, or study in the Great North legally. 

Also...it's expensive. The tones of immigration are similar to the tones of university endeavours in the US. They expect you to have enough income to support yourself, your travels, plus all the fees of immigration.

Just to apply for self-employed status as a non-citizen in Canada is over $1000. Want to apply for sponsorship and permanent residence? Over $500 application fee...you have to also pay for background checks, work permit fees, medical exams, possible driving licence, transportation, and so on. It's disheartening. I understand their needs for different parts of the process, like verifying I'm not a criminal or that I'm not secretly married in multiple countries or that I'm a not a terrorist. Yes, I had to sign a form stating that I'm not a terrorist. It's just confusing at times and even misleading depending on the visa.

But...it's worth it. Canada is awesome and I've barely scratched the surface. Thanks to warmer weather I'm hoping to get out and see new things. CaMPinG!!!!! Yay!

Arrived at Border of Canada as Visitor: 30 December 2016 Visitor Visa approved

Attempted Work Permit for Job Offer: March/April 2016 Rejected by CIC - Job doesn't qualify for LMIA or Exemption

Applied for Extended Visitor Visa: April 2016 - Estimated Time by CIC 19 Days

Approved Extension: May 2016 - Actual Process Time - 7 Days

Study Visa: No Progress

Work Permit: In Progress, attempting Open Work Permit with Permanent Resident Application*** 

*** This just means long term stay instead of Visiting, shows intent to stay in Canada as more than just a tourist, so I can try for an open work permit. Some sources are saying to go for Permanent Res first, then I'll auto-qualify for work permit because the Permanent Res for an American takes about the same time as applying for the work permit. Part of me wants to try for the open work permit first.

I really wish someone I knew had advice for this. Forums online feature people from other countries and with children, so their experience is different. Insert frowny face.

The Hunt for Grad School in Canada

Not only I'm having a hard time choosing a school and program, each one has different requirements. Some want me to have a GRE score, others want me to drop $125 for an application fee. Some want three reference letters from teachers.

One of the most frustrating parts of applying to programs is that I'm still not sure what I want to be when I grow up. My least favorite part of learning: narrowing your focus. Art therapy, clinical, experimental, counseling... I don't know! I love research. I'm a hardcore critic when it comes to research, I joined psychology to become an art therapist for children, but life isn't a straight line.

(I've brought research data on medications to my doctor appointments before. Some docs were impressed. Some were confused. One doc thought I was a medical student. Hahahaha.)

Research Standards. Get some.

I'd love to be a part of amazing research, but then again, the idea of being more hands on and being on the ground level of psychology is important too. At first, the idea of being a counselor didn't appeal to me. There is fear of being unqualified or being in over my head. I've had nightmares of being trapped in an office with someone complaining about their hair brush quality for two hours. 

When I paused to examine how I've actively expressed my skills and knowledge in real life. In the past I researched a topic, usually with the intent to turn out the next day and use the information in person. I would research then use that knowledge to create a real plan for a daycare, a special event, or help a friend. 

Then again, according to a 400+ questionnaire on what career I should pursue...I'm the ideal candidate for "Dance Choreographer". What?

Yup.

That being said...art therapy schools are few and far between. If I don't get into one, I'll be pursuing a different degree until later.

Toronto Art Therapy Institute: No reply. Needs a DVD of portfolio, two references, $125, possibly an English language test, etc.

University of Toronto: Clinical/Counseling Psychology Program. I've already missed the Deadline for 2016. They wanted applications before December of last year.

Concordia University: Is in Quebec, so I'd have to move plus still high qualifying margin. 

University of Ottawa: Two programs, Deadline passed...Dec 15th 2016.

I'm still looking into programs, in case the art therapy thing doesn't work out.

What I Miss about the USA

I miss my friends and family, of course! I miss them so much...they have no idea. I hate not being able to just hang with them whenever I want or celebrate birthdays with them.

I miss knowing where I am and what's around. This happens every time I move, so this feeling will leave one day.

I miss being able to be loud and obnoxious sometimes. In the States, we have socially acceptable behavior that is viewed as weird or rude in other countries. Eventually this side of me will come out, sorry, Canada. I can only hold it in so long.

I miss knowing brands. There's a lot of the same brands in Canada, but only the really big brands. Some of my favorite brands aren't here. 

I miss not having allergies. What the bumble bee?! I've had horrible allergy issues since I got here...time will tell if my body adabts. 

Stay Tuned

I'm not giving up and I have big plans. I'll let you know more about Canada stuff later!

Common Comments I Hear About Therapy

"Therapy is for crazy people. I'm not crazy!"

If by "crazy" you mean only people with serious, life debilitating mental disorders, than you're wrong. People shouldn't be ashamed of having a mental disorder or be ashamed of asking for help with their mental disorder.

Therapy is for anyone who wants to change an aspect of their life, alter a behavior, deal with a huge change, needs help with stress, wants career advice, needs relationship maintenance, healing from tragedy or trauma, or needs a mental mirror. The list goes on...

Therapy isn't for everyone, but it may be great for someone else.

"I don't want to talk about my mom/dad."

Cool beans. You don't have to. If you're going to a therapist for career change help, then your parents probably won't be mentioned unless you bring them up. Relationships are usually mentioned if they are relevant to the situation. I know the media has painted this image of lounging on a couch and telling your whole life story to some Dr. Notepad who then says click words like, "You're projecting your fears of attachment onto your lack of intimacy with your father figure adaptive self-esteem aggressive attitude conditioning behavior theory classical reflex...how does that make you feel? Now, take a deep breath, we're going to meditate on your feelings."

A good therapist will use terms you're familiar with and communicate at your level. They will address issues you find important. They, if necessary, may point out a potential issue.

For example, if you are wanting help with work and they notice you mention taking hardcore mood enhancers before work everyday...they might need to touch on that subject. If you complain about visiting your mom everyday at lunch, they may ask more about it...'cause why are you doing something over and over if you hate it?

Therapists aren't there to trick you into only talking about your mom and dad forever. They might ask questions about your past to better understand you, but your comfort is the defining line.

"I can just talk to family and friends. I don't need a therapist!"

This is a touchy one.

I'm sorry to tell you this, but your loved ones probably aren't qualified. Even if one of them happens to have a degree in something like social work they should know better than to be your personal, free therapist. A good counselor cannot be someone too close to you. It's best for them and you if they exist outside of your social circle. There are legal obligations to counseling someone. 

For example, being a psychology student I know a lot of different people in the mental health field. Sure, I've messaged some of them in difficult times, but more as a friend or a "please, help. I'm so stuck and confused right now, please advise." I always got a professional outside of that.

Friends and family are a great support, but it's limited. A professional is trained. I know what's happening in your brain at the cellular level when you're having a schizophrenic episode. Grannie the cookie baker doesn't. Sorry.

Also, a pro will have access to things that your buddies don't even know about, like group sessions, books, medications, specialists, and other resources.

Personal Experience: I've had lots of terrible advice from friends that meant well. Like staying in a horrible relationship for years because of friend advice. Whereas the therapist, when I finally had the right one, was my advocate. Years ago, I was overweight, medicated (wrongly), and straight up miserable. Now, I'm happy, unmedicated and on a good health track, and getting back to fit. When I told friends in the past that I was unhappy, most responded with, "You're the problem." When I talked to the professional they said, "What can be done to make things better?" I felt like my former friends expected me to change and I felt guilty for not wanting to change. I did try to change, but it felt so wrong. When I moved on to other circles, I found people more like me. I've learned about boundaries, consent, and finding your own "tribe". A good therapist will help you be you. Friends can only help so much. They may mean well, but it will based from their experiences. A professional has access to years, if not decades, of other people's experience and science. 

See the difference? I've since learned how to choose better friends for me and how to make healthy boundaries, and to trust my gut!

Summed up, your bros may mean well, but there's a high chance they have no idea what they are talking about, especially when it comes to personal struggles. A professional can help you pinpoint the real issue and give you the tools to tackle it!

"I don't want to share my personal stuff with a stranger!"

This one is ironic, as the people who say this to me the most...I catch them over sharing personal stuff with a stranger in the deli or hair salon. Mmmkay, you think that person gives a hoot? Perhaps you do need to emotion dump on a person who isn't making your sandwich.

You go to the doctor and share super personal things. You go to the dentist and open your mouth. Not that much different.

If that personal stuff you don't like talking about is so bothersome that it's poisoning your life, something is wrong. It might not feel good at first, but something needs to change. Holding it in will not change anything.

You get to choose your professional helper. Pick someone you feel comfortable with, and they are trained to be good at talking to people. They are professionals, not a random stranger.

The shoe salesman doesn't know how to get your mother to respect your career choices.

"I don't want someone knowing my business. It's embarrassing."

They aren't going to tell anyone what you've talked about. You're not going to run into them at a store and they point at you, saying, "That lady over there is nuts and weird and smells like feet and likes to lick soap!"

Actually, they are legally not allowed to share things. You should be offered a piece of paper before anything real begins that states these basic things, like not sharing information. Hell, they usually can't even acknowledge they know you in public.

I'm not even a therapist yet and I've heard some of the most interestings things ever. Your "weird thing" probably isn't that weird. One person confided in me that they struggled with the belief that they were actually a werewolf. Not only did I act chill, to their surprise, I didn't judge them. Then I blew their mind by telling them it's not unheard of, other people do to, and there's even a celebrity who dealt with the same thing. See, not so bad! Not so weird after all! They don't have to live in fear or hide. 

"I went to therapy once and it was awful! They are all horrible!"

Why are you basing your opinion on all therapists on your experience with one? That's not very intelligent. Sorry, I'm blunt.

Either find a new one that suits you better or just move on. This isn't the case for everyone. Also, did you just not like what they had to say or were they genuinely not good at their job? I've had to call out people before for saying a therapist was bad when in fact the therapist was just doing the dirty job of telling them something they didn't want to hear.

"They said I have a hoarding problem!"

"Well, maybe you do."

"No, I don't!"

"Have other people told you the same?"

"Yeah, but..."
"Did you match all the points of hoarding problem?"

"Yeah, but..."

"But what? Maybe you need to look at how you keep things as a serious issue. Maybe they aren't a bad therapist...maybe you're angry because they pointed out something you don't like."

I've had therapists who were not a good fit for me, even steered me down a not so good way of handling an issue. I used to be mad at them, but I reminded myself that this person was human. Humans make mistakes. Humans misjudge. Humans don't know everything. I just found someone different and they understood me better.

Instead of jumping onto the wagon of "People suck because I met someone once and they sucked!" maybe you should try different approaches. There's all sorts of therapists with different ideals, personalities, and backgrounds. Yes, this is permission to shop around if needed.

However, if you've been to several different types of professionals and they are all saying the same thing...you might need to pause and reflect. You could have a blindspot to something. 

Ask yourself why you saw the therapist in the first place. Was it court ordered? Did your employee require it? Did your spouse beg you to go? These are all signs that other people are either confused by your behavior, concerned by your behavior, or maybe it's just a normal thing. Some jobs require people to interviewed by a pro to check for any red flags. If you're going to be around guns a lot, you really shouldn't have issues with impulse control, short fused temper, or fear of loud noises. Catch my drift?

"I just suck it up and deal with my issues."

Great, glad you feel strong, but that's not the case for everyone. Some issues are not "pull up by the bootstrap" issues.

Story Time:

There was a point in my young adult life when I was crying at toilet paper commercials with puppies in them. People were like, "You're too emotional." My ex was like, "See, she's crazy." (He liked to label women as crazy.) Guess what...I tried just dealing with it. I sucked it up for years.

I happened to open up to my regular physician, who smiled and said, "Ah, I know what it is. You're taking _____, right?"

"Yeah," I said.

"I hate _____. Many of my patients react badly to it. Many complain about mood swings."

"What! For real? ____ causes mood swings?"

"Oh yeah! There's other side effects, too."

After explaining why I was on it, she suggested alternatives. Now, I'm actually completely off all meds and guess what? I don't cry when I see puppies anymore. Hell, I'm healthier and happier than ever. Turns out...I'm not "crazy"... I was experiencing side effects. (I like crazy people anyway. What's the deal with people bashing on crazy?) Fudge what other people think. Do you.

Professionals know things. They know things we don't know. 

All that said, it's not a weakness to ask for help.

"They just feed you new age hippie stuff and put you on drugs."

No, they don't. If that's your experience, perhaps you were at Woodstock and not a therapy session?

Notes

Therapists are people that are trained to help people live better, happier lives. They came in different types and have different approaches. Make sure they are a real therapist with a real degree or certification from a real school.

The American Psychological Association list of things to check if your therapist is legit:

How to Choose a Therapist

More tips for selecting a professional:

How Do I Select a Therapist?

Did you know there's different types of therapy other than just sitting down and talking?

There's therapy while running, therapy hiking, art therapy, music therapy, gardening therapy, ...you can heal or learn with something you already like being a tool!

When It's One of Those Weeks

We've all had one. A week when every you touch goes to fray. When you wake up Monday morning with a head cold so bad you can't see straight and all your glorious ambitions are slowed by your inability to leave the house without consuming copious amounts of cold medication. You try to bugger on, but things keep happening.

Your inbox is full. Someone tells you bad news. You're job isn't coming along as you thought it would because of silly paperwork. Maybe your car is having problems or you left the milk out. Then your fridge breaks. The online order was shipped to the wrong place. Your new jeans don't fit. That book you just bought is just...not. Or maybe it's raining on your one day off. Spilt coffee on your jacket before an interview. Your hair should be purple, but it turned out...what color is that anyway? 

All of us could fill a book with all those annoying things. It seems they came in packs, like a cluster of trolls coming to ruin your garden party.

I had a not so sparkling week. Nothing horrible happened, but it's Friday afternoon and I'm just trying to breathe through my nose like a normal person. I haven't slept right in days! 

How to Deal with Trolls* 

*as in weeks, days, or months that aren't going as planned! I planned you, damned it! Stick to the plan!

Point out the things that haven't gone wrong.

As in...I'm still alive. I have two feet, some people can't say that. Coffee. Chocolate. Pizza. My cat chasing the red dot across the house like she's had 200 units of caffeine. I got out of bed. I made breakfast without burning the kitchen down.

Binge watch a favorite show. 

Can't really go wrong when all you have to do is sit still and watch a show.

Turn into a burrito.

One of my favourite activities. First, you grab a snack, a drink, and then position them within arms' reach of where you want to burrito. Optional, turn on a show or music that doesn't need you to pay attention. Finally, wrap up in a blanket until you resemble a stuffed burrito and stop thinking. Sleeping may occur. If you burrito for more than 12 hours, friends may show concern. Consult best friend if burritoing occurs daily for more than two days in a row. Becoming a burrito may attract pets within a 1 mile radius. 

Stop, sit still, and chill for a minute.

Sometimes we need to just pause for a minute. Life can wait. I promise the world will not end if you take 30 minutes to an hour of alone time to just do nothing. Lock yourself in the bathroom with headphones on if you have to - sharing a house with other livings things makes alone time near impossible.

Walk, Run, or Sit Outside

Depending on your abilities, of course, go outside get fresh air. Walk or run if you can, or find a spot to just chill. If you can walk or run, these physical activities have been known to boost mood. Some therapist even make their sessions with clients running sessions! I can say that walking, running, and hiking have helped me stave depression in the past.

Do Something Nice for Someone

My last note is for you to do something nice for someone else. It really does help. Bake some bread and share it. Text a friend a reminder that they're awesome.

In the End

After everything's said and done, it's going to O.K. - one bad day or week will pass. No one lives perfect life, even though some people try to convince you otherwise. Besides, there's no standard on how a week should go or how you should live your life. A bad day or bad week or failed project doesn't mean you're a failure at life. 

How do you deal with a bad week?