"Therapy is for crazy people. I'm not crazy!"
Therapy is for anyone who wants to change an aspect of their life, alter a behavior, deal with a huge change, needs help with stress, wants career advice, needs relationship maintenance, healing from tragedy or trauma, or needs a mental mirror. The list goes on...
Therapy isn't for everyone, but it may be great for someone else.
"I don't want to talk about my mom/dad."
Cool beans. You don't have to. If you're going to a therapist for career change help, then your parents probably won't be mentioned unless you bring them up. Relationships are usually mentioned if they are relevant to the situation. I know the media has painted this image of lounging on a couch and telling your whole life story to some Dr. Notepad who then says click words like, "You're projecting your fears of attachment onto your lack of intimacy with your father figure adaptive self-esteem aggressive attitude conditioning behavior theory classical reflex...how does that make you feel? Now, take a deep breath, we're going to meditate on your feelings."
A good therapist will use terms you're familiar with and communicate at your level. They will address issues you find important. They, if necessary, may point out a potential issue.
For example, if you are wanting help with work and they notice you mention taking hardcore mood enhancers before work everyday...they might need to touch on that subject. If you complain about visiting your mom everyday at lunch, they may ask more about it...'cause why are you doing something over and over if you hate it?
Therapists aren't there to trick you into only talking about your mom and dad forever. They might ask questions about your past to better understand you, but your comfort is the defining line.
"I can just talk to family and friends. I don't need a therapist!"
This is a touchy one.
I'm sorry to tell you this, but your loved ones probably aren't qualified. Even if one of them happens to have a degree in something like social work they should know better than to be your personal, free therapist. A good counselor cannot be someone too close to you. It's best for them and you if they exist outside of your social circle. There are legal obligations to counseling someone.
For example, being a psychology student I know a lot of different people in the mental health field. Sure, I've messaged some of them in difficult times, but more as a friend or a "please, help. I'm so stuck and confused right now, please advise." I always got a professional outside of that.
Friends and family are a great support, but it's limited. A professional is trained. I know what's happening in your brain at the cellular level when you're having a schizophrenic episode. Grannie the cookie baker doesn't. Sorry.
Also, a pro will have access to things that your buddies don't even know about, like group sessions, books, medications, specialists, and other resources.
Personal Experience: I've had lots of terrible advice from friends that meant well. Like staying in a horrible relationship for years because of friend advice. Whereas the therapist, when I finally had the right one, was my advocate. Years ago, I was overweight, medicated (wrongly), and straight up miserable. Now, I'm happy, unmedicated and on a good health track, and getting back to fit. When I told friends in the past that I was unhappy, most responded with, "You're the problem." When I talked to the professional they said, "What can be done to make things better?" I felt like my former friends expected me to change and I felt guilty for not wanting to change. I did try to change, but it felt so wrong. When I moved on to other circles, I found people more like me. I've learned about boundaries, consent, and finding your own "tribe". A good therapist will help you be you. Friends can only help so much. They may mean well, but it will based from their experiences. A professional has access to years, if not decades, of other people's experience and science.
See the difference? I've since learned how to choose better friends for me and how to make healthy boundaries, and to trust my gut!
Summed up, your bros may mean well, but there's a high chance they have no idea what they are talking about, especially when it comes to personal struggles. A professional can help you pinpoint the real issue and give you the tools to tackle it!
"I don't want to share my personal stuff with a stranger!"
This one is ironic, as the people who say this to me the most...I catch them over sharing personal stuff with a stranger in the deli or hair salon. Mmmkay, you think that person gives a hoot? Perhaps you do need to emotion dump on a person who isn't making your sandwich.
You go to the doctor and share super personal things. You go to the dentist and open your mouth. Not that much different.
If that personal stuff you don't like talking about is so bothersome that it's poisoning your life, something is wrong. It might not feel good at first, but something needs to change. Holding it in will not change anything.
You get to choose your professional helper. Pick someone you feel comfortable with, and they are trained to be good at talking to people. They are professionals, not a random stranger.
The shoe salesman doesn't know how to get your mother to respect your career choices.
"I don't want someone knowing my business. It's embarrassing."
They aren't going to tell anyone what you've talked about. You're not going to run into them at a store and they point at you, saying, "That lady over there is nuts and weird and smells like feet and likes to lick soap!"
Actually, they are legally not allowed to share things. You should be offered a piece of paper before anything real begins that states these basic things, like not sharing information. Hell, they usually can't even acknowledge they know you in public.
I'm not even a therapist yet and I've heard some of the most interestings things ever. Your "weird thing" probably isn't that weird. One person confided in me that they struggled with the belief that they were actually a werewolf. Not only did I act chill, to their surprise, I didn't judge them. Then I blew their mind by telling them it's not unheard of, other people do to, and there's even a celebrity who dealt with the same thing. See, not so bad! Not so weird after all! They don't have to live in fear or hide.
"I went to therapy once and it was awful! They are all horrible!"
Why are you basing your opinion on all therapists on your experience with one? That's not very intelligent. Sorry, I'm blunt.
Either find a new one that suits you better or just move on. This isn't the case for everyone. Also, did you just not like what they had to say or were they genuinely not good at their job? I've had to call out people before for saying a therapist was bad when in fact the therapist was just doing the dirty job of telling them something they didn't want to hear.
"They said I have a hoarding problem!"
"Well, maybe you do."
"No, I don't!"
"Have other people told you the same?"
"Yeah, but..."
"Did you match all the points of hoarding problem?"
"Did you match all the points of hoarding problem?"
"Yeah, but..."
"But what? Maybe you need to look at how you keep things as a serious issue. Maybe they aren't a bad therapist...maybe you're angry because they pointed out something you don't like."
I've had therapists who were not a good fit for me, even steered me down a not so good way of handling an issue. I used to be mad at them, but I reminded myself that this person was human. Humans make mistakes. Humans misjudge. Humans don't know everything. I just found someone different and they understood me better.
Instead of jumping onto the wagon of "People suck because I met someone once and they sucked!" maybe you should try different approaches. There's all sorts of therapists with different ideals, personalities, and backgrounds. Yes, this is permission to shop around if needed.
However, if you've been to several different types of professionals and they are all saying the same thing...you might need to pause and reflect. You could have a blindspot to something.
Ask yourself why you saw the therapist in the first place. Was it court ordered? Did your employee require it? Did your spouse beg you to go? These are all signs that other people are either confused by your behavior, concerned by your behavior, or maybe it's just a normal thing. Some jobs require people to interviewed by a pro to check for any red flags. If you're going to be around guns a lot, you really shouldn't have issues with impulse control, short fused temper, or fear of loud noises. Catch my drift?
"I just suck it up and deal with my issues."
Great, glad you feel strong, but that's not the case for everyone. Some issues are not "pull up by the bootstrap" issues.
Story Time:
There was a point in my young adult life when I was crying at toilet paper commercials with puppies in them. People were like, "You're too emotional." My ex was like, "See, she's crazy." (He liked to label women as crazy.) Guess what...I tried just dealing with it. I sucked it up for years.
I happened to open up to my regular physician, who smiled and said, "Ah, I know what it is. You're taking _____, right?"
"Yeah," I said.
"I hate _____. Many of my patients react badly to it. Many complain about mood swings."
"What! For real? ____ causes mood swings?"
"Oh yeah! There's other side effects, too."
After explaining why I was on it, she suggested alternatives. Now, I'm actually completely off all meds and guess what? I don't cry when I see puppies anymore. Hell, I'm healthier and happier than ever. Turns out...I'm not "crazy"... I was experiencing side effects. (I like crazy people anyway. What's the deal with people bashing on crazy?) Fudge what other people think. Do you.
Professionals know things. They know things we don't know.
All that said, it's not a weakness to ask for help.
"They just feed you new age hippie stuff and put you on drugs."
No, they don't. If that's your experience, perhaps you were at Woodstock and not a therapy session?
Notes
Therapists are people that are trained to help people live better, happier lives. They came in different types and have different approaches. Make sure they are a real therapist with a real degree or certification from a real school.
The American Psychological Association list of things to check if your therapist is legit:
More tips for selecting a professional:
Did you know there's different types of therapy other than just sitting down and talking?
There's therapy while running, therapy hiking, art therapy, music therapy, gardening therapy, ...you can heal or learn with something you already like being a tool!
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